If only

In a perfect world it'd all work out. I wouldn't find it so difficult to say the things I need to, I'd be able to articulate myself in a manner that was intelligent. I wouldn't be dismissed as the sweet, quiet girl who doesn't have an opinion or a boyfriend. I would have a part time job like everybody else, and be halfway to affording the cost of a car. I wouldn't be so self conscious of smiling at people who aren’t my close friends. I wouldn't avert eye contact with people who I look up to or admire. I would have more friends and spend my weekends socialising with people. I would have a better taste in music. I would have the kind of hair that is long, sleek and has even the model look-a-likes envious. I would be cultured and have travelled to continents far and wide. I would be taller and have longer legs. I would be good friends with that cute older guy from the above year level. I would live closer to my school and be able to walk home. I would put my hand up in every class and share my views with everyone. I would never be rejected by organisations who don't like what I have to offer. I wouldn't have any blemishes or pale skin. I would be good enough to make my father proud without having to work my arse off. I would measure up to, and exceed all of my teacher's expectations of me. I wouldn't have guys who I don't like chasing after me. I would be involved in more extracurricular activities. I would know what to say when someone pokes fun at my appearance or way of doing things. I would actually get responses from people when I inbox or text them. I would have a natural athletic ability. I would be able to convey my feelings for someone without pushing them away or ignoring them. I would have taken all the opportunities that were available to me back when I was younger. I would still be close to all those people I was once best friends with. I would have enough time to keep a scrapbook and sort through all those photos that are jumbled. I would know what I want and how to get there. I would have a blog that got more publicity. I would get more likes on my facebook photos. I wouldn't have to wear glasses or orthotics. I wouldn't care what others thought of me or be afraid of myself.
But this isn't a perfect world. I find myself lost for words a lot of the time which makes me seem awkward. I am often ignored in conversations for the "naive and boring" personality I am perceived to have by others. I've never had a boyfriend. Or a job. Or a savings account. I don't smile at people who aren't my close friends because I think my smile is ugly. I don’t make eye contact because I have bad eyesight and can’t see them, and they probably wouldn’t look back. I spend my weekends lounging around reading and listening to music. I have frizzy hair that takes forever to grow. I have only been overseas once and don’t know much about the world. I have only spoken to the cute older guy on facebook, and he thinks I’m a bitch. I live the furthest away from all my friends and have to drive far to visit them. I hardly ever make a peep in class for fear of being judged. I have pretty average looking skin. I have to run myself into the ground to meet my father’s expectations. I have all the wrong guys pursuing me. I am only involved in one thing outside of school. I have no clue how to respond with witty comebacks and more often than not stay quiet. I never get responses from people when I need it most. I am not coordinated or athletic. I often push people away and make it hard for them to get through. I missed opportunities to make a difference and now they no longer are on offer. I barely have enough time or the motivation to do the things I want to do. I have a blog where the only views are my own. I get likes from relatives and close friends on facebook, which makes about five per photo. I have poor eyesight and flat feet. I worry about how others see me and let that get to me.
If only things were different...